Welcome back guys!
This month’s article will be somewhat of an continuation of last month’s article which if you haven’t read, is right here. The first day of spring has come and gone and the weather keeps getting warmer, which means that “Shoot Your Shot” season or the “Free Agency” period of cuffing season is coming very soon.
As I get older, one thing I realize is that dating/courting/whatever you want to call it in today’s society is a lot like being in a sales job except instead of selling a product, you are selling yourself.
One of the major things you are taught in the sales industry is to never go in blind, the more information and the better relationship you can foster with someone, the higher your chances of success will be. In the dating world, the way you achieve that is by having a mutual acquaintance of, help you out or “throw the lob” if we want to keep the basketball metaphor going strong. But there are guidelines as far as to properly throw a lob. Let’s discuss.
Don’t Care When It’s Not Your Turn
First things first, in order to throw a good lob, you have to make sure at least one of the two individuals in question have requested said lob. During an episode of one of the greatest TV shows ever, The Wire, Detective Bunk chides McNulty for sticking his nose in business it didn’t belong by stating, “There you go giving a f*ck, when it’s not your turn to give a f*ck”.
So unless one person has said “Hey, put me on with so-and so” or “I wouldn’t mind a bae right now, you got any friends for me?” Mind your own business. All those who wander are not lost and all those who are single are not lonely.
Compatibility is Key & Information is Vital
After you get confirmation of interest from one of the two parties, do some deductive research and see if these two people are compatible in any shape, form, or fashion. For example, if you have a white girl friend who is really interested in your black homeboy, but he just saw Get Out and he’s not really doing white women right now, it’s probably not the best idea to lob her to someone who still has fresh fears of being put in the Sunken Place.
Another form of compatibility that you need to check is what each person is looking for right now when it comes to dating. Another example, if Eric is looking to settle down and find something serious while Jamie isn’t really in the mood to be tied down because summer is approaching then those two shouldn’t interact, at least not on your behalf. Also, withholding vital information is a cardinal sin in the art of lob throwing and it should be frowned upon.
I had a “friend” one time, know I was interested in this young lady and allowed me to shoot my shot and fail without giving me information that would have been very helpful in the beginning. Things like her being engaged to be married and her ex-fiancé calling off the engagement two months ago. That would have been beneficial to know, don’t you think? When throwing a lob, you want to make sure that you’re not turning one of your friends into the sacrificial lamb for the curve.
Subtleness & Finesse is Preferred
Often dating and basketball are compared to one another with good reason. A decent amount of phrases and strategies can apply to both fields, including the following: If the opposition knows what is coming, they can be better prepared to block it. Therefore “Creepy Stare” guy usually doesn’t get any love in the club, because he telegraphs his intentions a mile away.
The telegraphing of a lob is the easiest way to sabotage the mission. Both men and women are guilty of this when it comes to talking within our own gender. However, from my personal experience, I have noticed that at least men will take that information and have some finesse and couth when it comes to choosing whether to act on it. Meanwhile, a man can tell his homegirl that he’s interested in someone and within 24 hours he’ll get a text that reads: “Your friend told me you wanted her to put you on ”.
This type of lob serves no purpose except making the man look thirsty which is the exact opposite of what you want to do. A good lob plants seeds in the person’s mind that the person you are trying to help, is worth their time and effort. It paints them in a positive light and it starts the ball rolling to whatever the desired result is. For it to achieve said result, it requires finesse and delicacy just like if you were trying to talk to someone for your own benefit.
You Can Plan a Pretty Picnic but You Can’t Predict the Weather
At the end of the day, you can throw the perfect lob for someone, it still is their responsibility to follow through on it, to slam it home. You must understand that and after making the initial attempt, become hands off.
The saying goes, “two’s company and three’s a crowd” and if you stick around too long after throwing the lob to “check progress” then you are crowding their space and decreasing the chances of an effective completion. Completion of the lob is when your two acquaintances mutually decide to explore the situation further on their own accord.
You also must remain neutral after the lob is thrown. While it is easier said than done, you can’t become the intermediary between the two for an extended period, you have to let your friends handle their own business. If things don’t go the way you had seen in your head, that’s fine, no one is perfect.
On the flip side, if they end up getting married, you can suggest they name their first born kid after you (or at least allow you a dope speech at the wedding). Throwing the lob, when done right, is really a low risk/high reward opportunity so I encourage all who read this to follow the suggestions and start becoming the “Cupid” of your friend circle.