I’m no relationship expert. I’m not some person that’s been in seriously long relationships and can give you the secret to Beyonce’ and Jay-Z’s happiness, hell, I’m still striving to write my own “fairy tale,” but there’s something I’ve noticed I had been doing wrong the past million years of my love life. Lying.
I’m a stank ass liar and it’s mostly to myself. That’s the first step, right? Ok. I know that since you’ve been sitting in front of a television watching Lampchop or Barney (I’m not here to tell your age) you’ve been hearing that honesty is the best policy. And yes it sounds nice, but perhaps it really didn’t sink in. I, for damn sure, know that it didn’t hit me enough to follow me into my relationships.
I used to spend a lot of time rationalizing why I did certain things. After a while those rationalizations turned into me just trying to make myself feel better for my actions and straight up lying to myself AND the person I was with.
It’s something I never really thought about until one day I was holding on to a relationship with someone who at the end of the day didn’t really know who I was. I was always excusing myself from being completely honest with him, blaming my past, or putting up this big ass wall as a form of protection. Yes, this too, is a form of lying.
Now here’s some truth for that ass. No matter what it is, if you don’t learn how to express yourself and kill that pride monster… you’re unconsciously diluting what could possibly be. There are a lot of couples who are no longer together because they could not be honest with each other. Where they lacked honesty makes no difference. Whether one partner cheated and was too selfish to be honest, they blocked themselves from truly being able to work through the apparent issue that lead to it, or even if it’s as seemingly small as not putting what you truly want on the table trying to avoid being a “nagger,” you can’t fix an issue between two people if you’re the only one that knows it exists.
Also there’s a flip side. There a large number of couples that are still together because they can’t be honest with each other. That right there is scarier than the former. Two people who can tell the world the truth before they can tell each other is a recipe for a disaster. I’ve seen people who aren’t near what happy is supposed to be – chuck it up, fake a smile, go home, and lay next to a long time stranger…someone that they’re harboring a mental rolodex on and have no plans on truly sitting down and facing some of their issues.
I guess that’s what lead me to finally breaking free and realizing that no matter the consequences, no matter how scary the truth really is, “I’m always going to tell you how I feel. The worst you could feel is different.”